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The clinking of cutlery punctuated the tense pause at the dinner table. "We can't afford it," Mom firmly stated, glancing at Dad. Both sets of eyes turned to the kids, a silent reminder of the household mantra. In that moment, the unwritten rules of money were clear. Homes have rules, and all homes have rules around money. Some are spoken, and some are unspoken. Many parents begin with the same rulebook that their parents handed down to them, and it was "Save money, don’t waste it, and then repeat."
Teens comply initially, as they are afraid, but eventually, when they start spending, they are met with resistance. Parents often say, ‘We taught you better.’ This breaks things down; the expectation from them to perform around money never works.
A Teenager experiences many emotions, comparisons, FOMO, excitement, a need to belong, etc. Many of their money choices are triggered by these feelings.
Gap Between Knowing and Choosing:
Gap Between Knowing and Choosing:
We all know eating healthy is good for our health. We are aware of the dangers of cigarettes. We are aware of the benefits of exercise. Yet how many of us do that on a regular basis? A teenager is also aware of the basics of money, such as savings accounts and investments, yet knowing and choosing are two different worlds.
A teen watching their favourite influencer on Instagram or TikTok doesn’t question their judgment when this person sells them something. Or when Blinket shows them offers on chips and snacks, they grab the discount. In these moments, money becomes a tool to find belonging to the influencer’s community, or avoid the fear of missing out (FOMO), or a quick dopamine hit.
No rulebook prepares them for these emotional negotiations.
How does money become a silent emotional language at home?
How does money become a silent emotional language at home?
Every household carries an emotional charge around money. Some homes carry anxiety; many carry scarcity, guilt, and comparison around money. These are absorbed by the teens before they learn to articulate their feelings. These emotions represent the parents:
a) Fear around money
b) Social pressure to fit in
c) Financial shame
d) Past mistakes
Money becomes a silent language rather than a shared conversation in the family. Therefore, the family becomes a breeding ground to send the same emotional signals down to the next generation.
Why does repeating rules create resistance?
Why does repeating rules create resistance?
Parents generally speak from a place of future and continuity, while teens speak from a place of present emotion. Both are talking different languages, hence they experience resistance. When a teenager feels misunderstood, anything that a parent says feels like a form of control. That is why repetition creates resistance.
Money as a relationship:
Money as a relationship:
Every person develops a relationship with money before they develop mastery over it. Teenagers form a relationship with money based on what they see at home. Unfortunately, as a teenager, they see scarcity and restriction. This is their first relationship with money.
They also form certain beliefs around money that are handed down to them from their parents; these are absorbed by how parents handle money, not by what they say. Sometimes the message is that ‘it’s never enough.’ That teen in this family, as an adult, would work hard for money and might have an abundance of it, but would still feel ‘it’s never enough.’
The Question most homes never ask:
The Question most homes never ask:
Many parents complain and ask their children, ‘Why can’t you manage money?’. A rather powerful question could be ‘What does money make you feel in this particular situation?’. So if the child says they feel a lack. Know that situations don’t create emotions as much as they reveal them. Often, money moments don’t introduce new feelings. They simply turn up the volume on ones that were already there.
Most money situations aren’t about discipline or intelligence. It’s about emotions that have never been given a language. When a child reacts with urgency or impulse, it is often not because they don’t know better; it’s because something inside feels unsettled. Money simply becomes the moment where that feeling shows up. Before correcting the behavior, it may help to pause and listen. Not for better answers, but for better understanding. Because when emotions are acknowledged, money stops being a battleground and begins to become a conversation. A practical way for parents to implement this is through a simple three-breath pause exercise:
1. Take a deep breath in and out, allowing yourself to clear your mind.
2. With the second breath, focus on your child, acknowledging their emotions without judgment.
3. On the third breath, prepare yourself to listen actively, ready to engage in an open and understanding conversation.
By incorporating this micro-habit, parents can transform moments of tension into opportunities for connection.
If you want to know what habits and belief systems are being passed down to your teen. Get the Money Mindset Map today to understand how you can guide them better. It’s a free tool to help you navigate the world of money in a relationship with your teen.
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